Love You Hard — a poem on trauma bonds

I’ll always love you hard—
Through tears of hatred,
Frantic fears,
And through curtains of false content,
I’ll always do my best
To love you hard.
I’ll love you ‘til the moon shines bright,
And again when the sun has kissed the sky.
‘Til the oceans empty, the shores become dunes 
And when seagulls can no longer fly—
I’ll love the inner child
Tucked away within your pitiful soul.
And I’ll nurture him with every tantrum.
For you, I’ll mend your heart.
I’ll dance with the Devil,
Tangled in his gruesome grip while
Making love to his lying eyes,
If it proves that I’ll always love you hard.
‘Til sweet nothings become
Blades of steel;
Words that’ll cut like shards.
‘Til my beautifully bronzed skin
Becomes a canvas of blackened bruises,
Marked by your angry boulders for fists.
I’ll even take blame
For all the little ways 
You drove me to be insane 
And
I’ll suffer it all, 
all over again,
Just to love you hard.

Rendezvous_그래도(nevertheless), 72.7 x 60.6 cm, Oil on canvas, 2016 by Hana Ju

What I’m Wearing

I wear gloom on my shoulder,
Soaked into my sweater
And it’s acquaintance, Melancholy,
Held together by buttons.
Tears on my trousers,
Sorrow right at the hems.
And I’ll always wonder
If I’ll wear happy again.

Suppressed

I fall to my knees
Where they beg me to cry,
To slow down and see
What has become of this life.

Each tear, they whisper, 
A tale of my trauma;
A memory of mine
That seemingly keeps on haunting.

I beg to the Gods,
To the Universe, to source,
To unravel my pain
So it is gone all at once.

Let me feel all the shock,
The betrayal, and the fear.
Let me wollow in my shadow,
Let me scream for all to hear.

But my brain, it stays on fire,
Where my thoughts fuel each flickering flame.
I implore for any mercy,
Though it seems they cannot be tamed.

So I'll plead for my cries
To drown out all the heat,
To finally submerge
What's been suppressed deep within me.

I Want Love: a short poem

I want love
As slow as spring time,
Where buds take their time to bloom.

I want love
As hot as embers,
Burning with profound passions.

I want love
As genuine as gold,
Gleaming with beloved truth.

I want love
As gentle as each wave,
When they carress the flesh of the sand.

I want love
Nurturing, like Mother Earth,
Caring for each bounded heartstring.

I want love;
A Love so pure and clean.
One perfectly sculpted;
A love made just for me.

What We Once Were — a short poem

Goodbyes aren't always golden,
Not always framed and delicately hung.
Often sudden and saddened
By the picture of what we once were.

During my brokenness, you came.
So unsure of who I was
But you're as if amnesia washed over me
And cleansed my skin to clarity.

I needed you as if lilies
Needed the nourishing drops of dew.
I basked in your rays of light
Amidst the loneliest of nights.

You seemed a lightyear away
Yet still burried down deep in my heart
How could you stay
Right here with me,
When all this time you wanted apart?

Toxic Love

Our love
Was just a warzone.
It was my bombs first,
Which you were infatuated with.
Then yours came second.
Bonded by trauma,
Rooted in lust,
Our love damaged me.
Because I fell for the idea of you
And you were happy with all of me.
Except me.
You ignored my soul,
For the touch of my breasts.
You absorbed nothing,
When I gleamed about everything.
I yearned for your connection,
Not just your sexual anecdote.
Our passions meter
Had been out for far too long,
It was far too dry,
And far too empty.
My healing came naturally,
Though I winced with every memory.
Your healing,
You fled from.
Which in turn,
Left me stranded.
Longing.
Waiting.
Hoping.
That maybe my idea of you
Would become you
And that we could simply be
Everything 
We had dreamed.